Sunday 30 December 2018

Highlights 2018

Highlights 2018

Stepping over the urine marinated faeces of the bow legged terrier called Diesel
Jumping up and down in a wheelie bin
Losing the heads of both the donkey and the Buddha to the frost
Moaning like Hell about ‘em when they come over here
Polishing a hatchback
Waiting for a Cairn terrier

What a lovely morning!

Pinning souvenir badges to a walking stick
Unloading bulk bought dog food systems
Chasing an Impreza on a quad bike
Pecking at the portion control packaging underneath the bench
Looking flustered on a tiny motorcycle
Doing an online quiz

What’s the day after pancake day?

Luvvie-ing and matey-ing your way along a row of red brick inter-war semis
Replacing the display of geraniums with a rowing machine and a treadmill
Queueing next to the big upside-down pictures of sandwiches
Wearing a Stetson hat
Stuffing your big fat white face with fucking pizza
Talking to the man with the precision beard

It says on the thing on the thing that you have to buy a minimum of 50p’s worth of air
Emerging from the bushes with a mouth full of feathers
Scraping past with a bit of tree wedged under your front end
Embedding a McDonalds cup in the ivy next to the chip shop
Inhaling the aroma of cheap scented candles and accreted dog piss
Badly applying decals of scorpions onto a Toyota
Watching the men in pool sliders and ankle tags argue loudly with the bald men in Adidas

Don’t call the police, I’m on remand!

Hosing down a Skoda Octavia
Wiping your bald head on the hem of your t-shirt
Attending the festival of tribute bands
Calling a Yorkshire terrier a little shit-house 
And punting it up the arse with the toe end of your Croc
Chamoising the roof of a five berth Crusader Storm

Gone to Blackpool for good. Andrew.

Cycling with your feet on the ground to enhance the brakes
Rummaging through the bins again
Jogging past the statue of the cartoon dog
Walking in the cigarette slipstream of the woman in the fur lined Parka
Squabbling over the louvers of the belfry
Mixing cement with your flies undone

Do you like political comedy like Ali G?