Wednesday, 1 December 2010

A woman with unseasonably sheer tights was feeding pigeons


Gulls in snow from Kevin Boniface on Vimeo.

A woman with unseasonably sheer tights was feeding pigeons birdfood from a Jack Fulton Frozen Value carrier bag at 6am.

I passed a woman in the street who said it was "niptorious" today.

The three people walking in front of me in a heavy snow shower were in conversation:
The thin white girl with the scraped back pony tail and skinny jeans said "She's dead young. They'd better make sure she doesn't get fucking pregnant".
The other two said "I know!"
After a bit, the thin white girl suddenly said "I need a fucking car!"
The asian boy with the saggy jeans and the quilted jacket said "I can get you one for £135. It's alright; it's got a nice CD player... I can sort you out a USB if you want."
The thin white girl said "I don't care as long as it goes, I've got to be in fucking town for half-one"
The asian boy said "It should be £200 but I'll sort it for you for £135 if you definitely want it. Do you definitely want it?"
"Of course I fucking do! I've got to be in fucking town haven't I!"
"Ok" said the asian boy "I'll bring it you round later".
The thin black girl with the cerise pink dressing gown and the Ugg boots didn't say anything, she just walked along with her arms folded.

I suggested to a woman who was clearing her path in a blizzard that it must be a bit like painting the Forth bridge. She said she didn't know.

A skinny Irishman in his fifties with a roll-up, a greasy ducktail and a disobedient sheltie sang out to me as he walked past, "Postman, postman don't be slow, be like Elvis, go man go!" When he'd finished, he asked me whether I'd liked it and I said I had.

A young man in a hooded top and an Alfa Romeo 147 was struggling to get any traction in the snow on Mill Street. Fortunately two more young men in hooded tops came running over shouting "We'll give you a push, you cunt!" and they did, right to the top of the hill.
Just then, a middle aged woman in a fleece jacket and a Lodge's Pharmacy van with Celebrity Slim Weight Loss Programme written on it came around the corner at the bottom of Mill Street and also started to struggle up the hill. This time the two young men in hooded tops shouted to the thin white girl with the skinny jeans and the thin black girl with the cerise pink dressing gown who had appeared at the bottom of the street, "You two can push her!" and they walked away.