A woman with unseasonably sheer tights feeds pigeons from a Jack Fulton Frozen Value carrier bag at 6am.
The woman at the bus stop says it’s “niptorious” today.
The three young people in front of me in a heavy snow shower are in conversation: “She’s dead young. They’d better make sure she doesn’t get fucking pregnant” says the thin white girl with the scraped back ponytail and skinny jeans. “I know!” says the Asian boy with the saggy jeans and quilted jacket. “I need a fucking car!” says the thin white girl. “I can get you one for £135. It’s all right, it’s got a nice CD player or I can sort you out a USB if you want.” says the Asian boy. “I don’t care as long as it goes, I’ve got to be in fucking town for half-one.” “It should be £200 but I’ll sort it for you for £135 if you definitely want it. Do you definitely want it?” “Of course I fucking do! I’ve got to be in fucking town, haven’t I?” “Okay”, says the Asian boy, “I’ll bring it you round later”. The third member of the group, the thin black girl with the cerise pink dressing gown and the Ugg boots doesn’t say anything, she just walks alongside with her arms folded.
I suggest to a woman who is clearing her path in the blizzard that it must be a bit like painting the Forth bridge. She says she doesn’t know.
A skinny Irishman in his fifties with a roll-up, a greasy ducktail and a disobedient sheltie sings as he passes me, “Postman, postman don’t be slow, be like Elvis, go man go!” then he stops, turns around, and asks, “Did you like that?”
A young man in a hooded top and an Alfa Romeo 147 struggles to get traction in the snow. Fortunately, two more young men in hooded tops come running over, “We’ll give you a push, you cunt!” and they do, right to the top of the hill. Next, a middle-aged woman in a fleece jacket and a Lodge’s Pharmacy van with ‘Celebrity Slim Weight Loss Programme/Program’* written on it comes around the corner at the bottom and also struggles to get up the hill. This time the two young men in hooded tops shout to the thin white girl with the skinny jeans and the thin black girl with the cerise pink dressing gown who have appeared at the bottom of the street, “You two can push her!” and they walk away.
*Both spellings featured in the livery of the van