Thursday, 14 July 2011

5.30am: A man who couldn't walk straight passed me in the street



5.30am: A man who couldn't walk straight passed me in the street. He was wearing plastic rimmed glasses and carrying a copy of The Guardian under his arm. He staggered slightly, bounced off the wall with his shoulder and spilled Pepsi Max down his top.

In the park, a dozen or so people were playing loud music in the bandstand. They waved and shouted “Morning mate!” as I walked past. When I replied they all collapsed in fits of laughter.


I was emptying a post box when the man in the garden behind it threw a large snail over his shoulder without looking; it bounced off the side of my head and set off across the road with half its shell missing.


On Hayfield Road, a woman opened the window of her front room and asked whether I’d help her and her husband to climb out. She said they'd locked themselves in.


Out of the five people Inside the motorcycle showroom, I was the only one without grey hair, a moustache and no beard. I went over to the counter where a grey haired man with a moustache and no beard broke off briefly from his conversation ("...she makes a lovely sound, especially when you open her up a bit...") to tell me that I was "looking for parts" (which I wasn't) He pointed to an adjoining door and said "through there mate, they'll look after you".


The signs to the car-park at the enormous new church say "Customer Parking".