Monday 31 December 2012

2012 in brief.

2012 in brief: 
Frozen dog piss.
Topiary armchairs. 
Holding a large piece of stone. 
Consolidating your Argos bags.
Suggestive trees.  
Killing a pigeon at the traffic lights. 
A scale model of a baby rabbit. 
BMW slippers.    
All-year-round head-to-toe-waterproof running man. 
Farting loudly by the turnips. 
Carrying things out within the usual framework. 
Stuffing a punctured leather football over your tow-bar. 
Bobbing over when she gets back. 
Avoiding the giant fat ceramic blue tit. 
Talking to yourself in a scouse accent. 
Lapwings, fieldfares, a moorhen, a buzzard, three plastic herons and two dozen bottles of Budweiser.
A half-sized resin statue of a horse.
Girls in leggings, texting.
A big picture window at the front that looks out onto your neighbour's Mitsubishi Animal. 
A lettuce.
Adjusting your cock. 
Predominantly black lycra. 
Eating some shat-out berries on top of a gate post. 
Following a large hare for about fifty yards. 
A pantomime maggot. 
Like To Get To Know You Well by Howard Jones. 
Wheeling a broken swivel chair out to your bins. 
Making a noise like a sheep. 
Power walking: C’mon! Put you arms into it! POWER WALK! 
Another headless pigeon corpse. 
Having a fucking word with yourself. 
Disembodied hands. 
The Most Luxurious Club In The North. 
Shouting into the phone in Urdu. 
The severed head of a stone tortoise.  
Zumba, Yoga for Pregnancy and a Craft Workshop. 
Distracting a rat. 
'Value' pregnancy testing. 
Wearing a green dressing gown in lieu of a coat. 
Wearing a stab vest.
Jamie’s Italy.