Sunday, 3 October 2010

A young man wearing a yellow vest, faded red boxer shorts and fluffy yellow slippers...

Green sign from Kevin Boniface on Vimeo.

A young man wearing a yellow vest, faded red boxer shorts and fluffy yellow slippers was sat on my neighbour's front step in the rain at 05.30am. Later, I saw a fox on Station Road.

On the bus I overheard a man telling his companion that he’d shat himself in bed after drinking “too many turbo diesels” in the pub.

Mrs Shaw gave me a bag of home grown tomatoes. She said she was completely self-sufficient as far as tomatoes were concerned.

As I pushed the mail through the door of a house on Carr Lane, a handwritten note fell out of the letterbox:

“Mum, go away you are not my mother.

Your so-called fucking son.”

Dr Groves opened his front door to take his mail. He said “It’s a reasonable day by the looks of it.”

Mr Briggs pulled up to tell me he was “off to Oldham today...”

He paused, then said “Actually, I tell a lie; I’m off to the office, then to Meltham and then to Oldham. I’m working on the precinct there; it’s a right bastard to park.”

That’s all he said, then he got back into his VW Passat and drove away.

At the Chartered Accountants, a chubby white male Chartered Accountant with brown plastic rimmed glasses, a white shirt and a grey suit was talking to a slim white female Chartered Accountant in a white shirt and a slightly lighter grey suit — with a fine check.

“Did you get through Chapeltown all right yesterday?” asked the man.

I know! I didn’t see a single white face!” said the woman biting her lip.

“I bet you didn’t want to stop at the lights did you?”

No” said the woman, “I pushed my door-locks down!” She mimed twisting around and pushing down the door lock; “Absolutely terrifying” she said.

Mrs Gaunt waved to me from her first floor window with a tenon saw in her hand.

Places I saw the Cross of St George today:

1. Painted across the bonnet of a white baker’s van.

2. On a flag flying from dead tree in a garden on Vicarage Drive.

3. On a flag flying from the Foresters Arms pub.

4. Painted on a drain cover by the back door of a house on Elizabeth Road.

5. On a flag flying from what used to be The Green Cross real ale pub but is now a ‘sex encounter’ club with blacked out windows and plans for a sauna.