Thursday, 10 February 2011

I gave a colleague a lift home...



I gave a colleague a lift home. He told me his brother (who is a shopfitter and flies model aircraft in his spare time) had been picked up by the police whilst waiting for a bus in the early hours and had had no idea why. After four hours in a cell he’d overheard the duty sergeant telling the arresting officers they’d never make a case for loitering at a bus stop and they let him go.


Two children were talking on their way to the Juniour & Infant School. The chubby girl with long blond hair and the elasticated waistband was showing a friend her new glasses:

"Yes, we found the best opticians" she said.

"Which one?" said her friend.

"Erm... I... I can't remember what it's called. It had a grey sign".

"Specsavers?"

"No, they've got a green sign... I can't remember. Anyway, I'm saying they were good but I'm still waiting for my Playboy case aren't I!"


A couple were having sex in the back of a plumber's van by the park.


At 2 Coniston Drive, the man who answered the door smelt of Brasso.


I saw a woodpecker trying to make a hole in a telegraph pole on Moor Road.


Mr Whitwam had cordoned off the driveway of his static caravan with a length of white plastic chain stretched between two traffic cones that had been sprayed silver. He was kneeling on a large foam cushion insert from an old settee while he scraped moss from between his pink herringbone setts. His Jaguar was parked in the road.