Thursday, 3 September 2020

Post Round Portrait Number 1

I took a photograph on the hour every hour and captioned each one with the first thing that was said to me after having done so. Captions include comments and questions from colleagues, customers and the pre-recorded woman who issues regular warnings from somewhere within my dashboard.

7am: What were you doing having a day off yesterday? It was mad busy. Disgraceful.


8am: Have you heard what those kids did to that bloke at Linthwaite? It was in the Examiner yesterday. They tried to cut his head off.


9am: Have you seen Porky’s?


10am: WARNING! PLEASE INSURE [sic] THE HANDBRAKE IS FULLY APPLIED BEFORE LEAVING THE VEHICLE.


11am: WARNING! PLEASE INSURE [sic] THE HANDBRAKE IS FULLY APPLIED BEFORE LEAVING THE VEHICLE.


12 noon: Sorry, wet dog! She's very wet and muddy.


1pm: Thank you very much. Cheers. That's lovely. Bye.


2pm: Good afternoon, is that for us?